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Felonies And Phone Calls

from Aftercare by Carl Sagan's Cosmic Lantern

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about

After nine months in county jail and a three month stay in long-term residential drug/alcohol treatment I returned home. I began to write music with the focus being on some of my time in those institutions and my life prior to that experience. This particular song is in reference to the first phone card I received from my Father after he finally found out where I was. It was somewhere around the thirtieth time I had been arrested in my adult life. Truly, there was nothing to be said in a ten minute call that would explain effectively the intense shame I felt for the way I had been living my life... and how I hated myself for the things I had done trying to maintain that lifestyle ...and in the same breath to say I honestly wasn't ready to stop living it that way.

"I have no words of wisdom to offer an addict as he destroys everything he loves for 30 minutes of nirvana... I can only say, that an addict is never alone in their suffering." -Geoffrey S. (father was addicted to heroin)

lyrics

At the nine o' clock hour after a cold steel shower an envelope slides beneath a cold steel door. I'm shitting, sick of shivering through my bones and breaking promises I've made a thousand times before. Well I'll call a couple times just to say that I tried, and then I'll sleep beneath the screams of the big TV. What is it I could say in a ten minute call that I couldn't say by saying nothing at all. You have ten minutes remaining for this call. Just what the fuck are you gonna say? You have ten minutes remaining for this call. We both know there's nothing left to say. Well I think an awful lot about the things that I'm not and it sinks right through the holes in my yellow arms. Better now instead of later in the city of Decatur and the screams and broken glass and blaring car alarms. I've been broke and black and borrowing from my heart for all the things that I need when my brain can't pay. Since I was sixteen I had a junkie's dream and it's kind of sort of prophecy to die this way. You have ten minutes remaining for this call. Just what the fuck are you gonna say? You have ten minutes remaining for this call. We both know there's nothing left to say. I've got a bottle full of buddies and an eight-legged friend. I've got a bottle full of buddies and an eight-legged friend. I've got The Doors in my head singing "this is the end". I've got a bottle full of buddies and an eight-legged friend. You have ten minutes remaining for this call. We both know there's nothing left to say.

credits

from Aftercare, released March 14, 2015
All of our music is available for FREE just click "Buy Now" and enter $0 to download and share freely. Donations are appreciated and that money goes to The Rose City Underground Inc. "Community Center Initiative" in Pana, IL. You can read about that here: www.rosecityunderground.org

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Carl Sagan's Cosmic Lantern Pana, Illinois

We are an acoustic music collective from Central Illinois. Our music is often comprised of solo effort, but shaped by group expression. Music is personal and we are people.

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