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His Blood In His Beating Heart

from Aftercare by Carl Sagan's Cosmic Lantern

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about

so·ber (sō′bər) adj.
1. Not intoxicated or affected by the use of alcohol or drugs.
2. Abstaining from or habitually abstemious in the use of alcoholic drink or other intoxicants

This is is the last song I wrote before I got sober. It was in response to the alcohol related death of a very close friend. This was a friend that I had shot heroin with (among many other things). Looking back on it now, I can see how my personal thoughts on what sobriety is have been shaped and changed throughout the course of my experience with jails and institutions. He had been free of opiate dependence for many months before his death in a car crash. At that time I saw this fact as a moral victory of some sort. The reality of the matter is that he traded one addiction (heroin) for another more socially acceptable addiction (alcohol). This is common for a vast majority of people who struggle with chemical dependence, and especially those who try to overcome it on their own. The philosophy of being completely sober still escapes me at times, as I sit here typing this with coffee and cigarette in hand, and I will not split hairs over what exactly I think it is. I'd love to tell you that he would still be here if he had quit drinking too.... I believe he would be, but have no way of knowing that. What I do know is that by living my life differently I am doing my small, nearly insignificant, part in maintaining my belief that his death was not for nothing. I remember that night and my part in it, and it inspires me to do the next right thing daily. I believe he was on the right path, and it saddens me that we must keep walking without him. He was a good friend, son, and brother. He will be missed.

lyrics

In my mind I'd like to lie. I'd say that everyone is doing just fine. I'll see you at the show this Friday night. Everything is alright. You can get drunk, and I can get high, and we'll complain about the sound guy. To his family: I'm so sorry for your loss, but can't you see how much we've gained? All that he wanted was his blood in his beating heart. Just his blood and his beating heart. So crack a beer or a smile. I don't care which. Just please sit down and stay for a while, just one last time. In my mind you'll always be 29. I'm sorry if I get too fucking old to hang. To his family: I'm so sorry for your loss, but can't you see how much we've gained? All that he wanted was his blood in his beating heart. Just his blood and his beating heart. I'm gonna miss you, dude. Gonna miss you, dude. Goodbye.

credits

from Aftercare, released March 14, 2015
All of our music is available for FREE just click "Buy Now" and enter $0 to download and share freely. Donations are appreciated and that money goes to The Rose City Underground Inc. "Community Center Initiative" in Pana, IL. You can read about that here: www.rosecityunderground.org

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Carl Sagan's Cosmic Lantern Pana, Illinois

We are an acoustic music collective from Central Illinois. Our music is often comprised of solo effort, but shaped by group expression. Music is personal and we are people.

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