Exact figures are impossible to determine, but somewhere between 60%–80% of all alcoholics/addicts relapse at least once before achieving permanent recovery. Only a few recover fully on the first try.

There are ten major relapse triggers: 1. Loneliness 2. Stress and conflict 3. Boredom or lack of challenge at work (unemployment) 4. Anger and the feeling of being trapped 5. Secret disappointment with the straight life 6. Not right with “God” (meaninglessness) 7. Euphoric recall of being high 8. Depression 9. Reactivation of denial 10. Secret thoughts of drugging (or experimenting with a new chemical)

Imagine these words as flashing red letters: WHEN RELAPSE IS FEARED TALK ABOUT IT. I am terrified of returning to that life. The transition from rehab to home can be a perilous time for those who are not adequately prepared for it. It is tempting to think of the last day in a treatment facility as a type of graduation day, but this is far from the truth. When people are in rehab they are protected from all types of temptations and they are in a supportive environment. It is the first few months after treatment that is the most dangerous time because this is when the risk of relapse is highest. In order to reduce the risks associated with the return home it is strongly recommended that people develop a personalized aftercare plan. Recording this music has had a tremendous impact on my ability to deal with my recurring feelings of pain, isolation and loneliness. It’s a form of cognitive processing, for me, to sing about the things I feel guilty for, the things I am hopeful for and the things I am unsure of. Fuck a twelve-step program (success rates of groups like AA/NA run from 5%-10% of the people through their doors) I have "worked the steps" and even sometimes still attend a meeting when I feel like being around a sober collective. I am however greatly aware of a certain "disconnect" I experience with those groups and their cult-like nature. Their success stories are spread more widely than their actual successes. The twelfth step encourages one to carry the message to the alcoholic/addict that still suffers. What you won't hear is many people talking about how it didn't work for them, and that only strengthens the misconception that the program always works. I thought I was going to fail. I thought I was alone. Again. In my desperation I discovered that music gives me a feeling of belonging, value and hope that I have not found elsewhere ....this has become my aftercare. I am not condemning twelve-step programs, but instead suggesting that the horizon of options be broadened to include things like the cognitive operation involved in singing a song about your experience. I suppose many of these songs could be interpreted as dark, but in our darkest hour light shines brightest. Most of the time I am trying to seek that light. It may be necessary for the darkness to be with us, lest we lose our way.